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My kingdom for an Igor!

Good lord, I'd be happy to never see another grant-application in my life, while the reality is that I'll have to go through the whole kerfuffle again next-year. I'm thinking that it would be easier to rob someone who's already received their own grant. Thus, I'm putting a call out for lackeys, patsies and minions; please inquire within! The ideal candidate should either be bereft of both independent judgement or harbour a long-simmering grudge against post-graduates; preferential consideration given to hunchbacks.

Edit: If anyone happens to be woken-up in the midst of the night by a thundering cry of "F*&#@ing grant proposals!", it will be because I have lost my ever-loving mind. Yes, I have, in fact, discovered that I need to file more paperwork.

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