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"If I Had a Trillion Dollars"

(To be sung to the tune of "If I Had a Million Dollars" by the Barenaked Ladies, and in honour of the American federal govt's response to the financial market meltdown.)

"If I had a trillion dollars,
If I had a trillion dollars,
I would buy you a house!
I would buy you a house!

If I had a trillion dollars,
If I had a trillion dollars,
I'd buy a neighbourhood for your house!
I'd buy a neighbourhood for your house!

And if I had a trillion dollars,
If I had a trillion dollars,
I'd buy you Crysler!
A maker of nice, reliant automobiles!

If I had a trillion dollars, I'd buy your loooooooooove!

If I had a trillion dollars,
I'd build a condominium on your yard,
If I had a trillion dollars,
You could watch, it wouldn't be too hard!
If I had a trillion dollars,
Maybe we could put a little tiny fridge in there some where,
(With like, pre-wrapped foie gras and frozen commercial paper...
You know, they make frozen commercial paper, but not frozen mortgage payments.
Well can you blame them?
Well, yeah!)

If I had a trillion dollars,
If I had a trillion dollars,
I wouldn't take a loan from the PRC!
(But not a loan from *real* Commies; that'd be cruel)
And if I had a trillion dollars,
If I had a trillion dollars,
I'd buy you Mao's remains!
(Oh all them crazy Communist bones!)

Oh if I had a trillion dollars, I'd buy your looooooooooove!

If I had a trillion dollars,
We wouldn't walk to the store,
If I had a trillion dollars,
We'd take the Hummer 'cause it costs more!
If I had a trillion dollars,
We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner!
(Of course, we *would* eat Kraft Dinner,
but it wouldn't be on the sidewalk,
we'd, like, be eating in a house or something, with fancy, plastic plates and stuff...)

If I had a trillion dollars,
If I had a trillion dollars,
I'd buy you some Greenbacks!
(But not real Greenbacks, 'cause that'd be cruel.)
And if I had a trillion dollars,
If I had a trillion dollars,
I'd buy you some art
(A Picasso or a Garfunkle)
And if I had a trillion dollars,
I'd buy you a bank... and an insurance company... and maybe a mortgage company or two... and then another bank...
(Hey, haven't you always wanted to own a banker?)

Oh, if I had a trillion dollars,
If I had a trillion dollars,
If I had a trillion dollars,
If I had a trillion dollars,
If I had a trillion doooooooooollllllars,
I'd be rich."

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