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May 8th, 2018

Hello! Updates And Slight Setbacks

Haven't been on in a good while, just due to both the difficulties and sometimes fullness of life. May everyone be doing very well! 'Still dealing with periodic flashbacks of the bad kind over here (thank-you Josée Bolduc), which still makes life more difficult than yea'd hope. Some steady improvement of a kind, at times, got juggered by some rather failed experiments with medications. Elavil and Effexor were both tried-out over the last pair of months, as ways of mitigating migraines. Each ended-up making me extremely sick. Effexor went the extra ten miles by furnishing me with a solid night of physically reliving every experience of being assaulted I'd ever had. That's about as much fun as it sounds, let me tell yea'.

Since then, coffee hasn't tasted quite right, and I also had my first real, bona fidepanic attacks. I'd thought that I knew those quite well, but my goodness, I really had no idea. There is a marked difference between anxiety and a full-blown panic attack, let me tell you...

In the meantime, I have completed a year of the Classics program at Carleton, and my own editing business has picked-up. I've now a smattering of Latin and Sanskrit under my belt, which I hope to expand on, if I don't go mad in the meantime.

My work in Shambhala continues to be grand, and I only wish that I could give more. The setbacks have made it difficult to keep up with people. That said, I shall be teaching a bit more over the Summer and helping to organize delegs (or circles of friends/community members) to help with both the social and support sides of sangha.

On another note, I've still no idea what I'm doing with women. Though I have been seeing friend whom I love quite well, she's not completely committed (to me) shall we say. Yet she does drag the feelings out of me... More than half of the women whose company I'd keep are married or not speaking to me for reasons of their own trauma.

I've no idea where R.L. or F.S. et cieare at. I haven't seen Maben in an age, and haven't made much headway in helping with either his work, or Peter's. I'm also to help with Tom's novels, but that will actually pay some, so it's easier to prioritize. I'm a wee bit concerned that M.S. has flown off of his head, but I haven't been able to check on him. My relationship with A. and the kids, also degenerated quite a bit from neglect and inability over the past couple of years (thank you Josée Bolduc). That tears me apart. All of it does, really.

Basically, I need money so that I can get my health back, and move my life forward consistently. Or to get my health back so that I can move my money forward consistently... either one really!

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